CHAT, a Secret to a Marriage that Clicks

We are the wackiest couple, as written in the Guinness Book of Weh!cords

There is no formula in finding real love, but, I believe there's an equation to maintain a great relationship. No marriage is perfect, but, we can have an 'ideally perfect' one if we would WANT to.

I've been asked several times, how we maintain a happy and healthy relationship, and why our tandem "clicks". They say our photos on Facebook speak loudly about it, naturally.  Wacky!

Our love story is an open book (search "memorable mistake" on Google). We met through CHAT, and we will forever gonna use C.H.A.T. to maintain this "partnership that clicks." C.H.A.T. are the 4 key ingredients that work best for an Ion-Raqz recipe:

C - CONSISTENCY
Be consistent. Time may change your character, but never change your attitude towards your partner. Do the same things that you do for each other from the day you met. Always do the things your partner liked in you when she started to love you. If you're giving her flowers before, don't stop. If you're calling/texting 10 times a day, continue. These efforts are not baits that after we got what we wanted, we stop. If you are fond of talking to each other, telling stories, it must be maintained. Marriage works if an open communication is consistent.  Both of you talk and listen. Most of the problems in relationships often root to not being consistent. Be consistent but add a twist.

H - HUMOR
For me, humor is the highest form of maintenance in a relationship. If you always find humor in everything you do, things will be easier - you're on a good ride! I can't imagine a day in our lives not laughing. From day 1, we have live a life of being young at heart. We find it easy to laugh at the same things.  TAWA TALAGA! We're always clowning at each other, we play pranks at each other.  They say we are both naturally gifted with a surprising sense of humor,  that's our advantage. In times of problems, we try not to dwell too much on them but we try to find reasons to still smile til we just laugh at it. Humor is healthy. The absence of humor is fatal.

A - APPRECIATION
Appreciate every big or little things your partner does for you. Do not ever disregard the efforts of your spouse. A little bit of appreciation is enough to meed the effort of the other. Appreciation builds up consistency. It encourages your spouse to remain consistent. And, always say thank you. Do it in a way how you would want to be appreciated.

T - TRANSPARENCY
It was only 8 months of engagement before we got married but that was more than enough for both of us to know everything about each other. Everything? Sort of. Because we talk a lot, we kinda have talked about our history. It's a great feeling of comfort when you're able to share everything to your spouse. No holds barred. Transparency is important as it avoids surprises along the way. Being open to your partner also means you don't care more about your pasts. Don't get me wrong. Discovery is a lifetime process. All along the relationship, we may still discover things about our partner.  Transparency is also about sharing everything that happens in everyday life. After all, my wife is my best friend and my best confidant.  If I have to hide something, it's a surprise!

These C.H.A.T. factors would be effective if you also live by the golden rule: do it if you want it to be done to you, or, don't if you do not want to be done to you.  If God is in the center of your relationship, you're good to go.

Picture Perfect

There are a lot more factors that could contribute to an ideal married life. For us, these are the 4 key factors that has given love, laughter and life to our marriage. Though not perfect, it is going smoothly, getting stronger everyday and always full of laughter and cheers. Resolving conflicts has become easy peasy.

Trials will be there. You just have to challenge the challenges. For 5 years, Consistency + Humor + Appreciation + Transparency (CHAT) = Ideal Marriage Life for us. Keep on CHATTING!

Managing multitasks by not multitasking

photo from Flickr by AshtonPal

A friend asked, "Ion, how do you manage your time? You have a stressful daytime job, you have 5 blogs, you are freelancing, you have a lot of communities, church, you attend events and trainings, and you are schooling? And, you have a family with a very cute little baby. How do you get all these things done?"

I replied, "I don't have problems finishing them, challenge is how to get started. I make sure the family with a very cute little baby is always on top of the list, time-wise. Then it makes it easy to get other things started. And oh, I don't do these at the same time huh. I break the tasks into smaller chunks and I work on them SLOWLY yet STEADILY. Don't ask me about the daytime job though :-) "

A lesson from the hare and the tortoise story, I'd rather work slow yet consistent, than fast but discreet. Working slowly and steadily promises better results than trying to do things in a rush.

My typical day (and night):

1. I get up between 4-4:30am. Every waking-up in the morning starts with a prayer, thankful for another day, for God's blessings, and another opportunity to live. This establishes my strength for the tough day ahead.
• Yes, I get up too early. I don't want to rush in the morning. I want to prepare my things properly, have a big, decent breakfast and at times read some inspirations for the day.
• Many times, I do my blogs in the morning as well, when the mind is fresh and free from stress.
2. I leave home at 6am, reaches office at 7 / 7:30
3. Stretched out at work til 4pm
4. I reach home by 5pm.
• Before reaching home, I make sure that my bag doesn't bring all the stress and pressures from work. What happens in the office, remains in the office. It has become easier now that the mom and the baby welcomes me with cheers.
5. From 5, I spend time with the wife and the baby until about 9pm (sleeping time). Playing, watching Disney, playing and playing and playing. I also does some meaningful conversations with the wife, almost every time.
6. When they're asleep, I get up around 10pm to do my other stuffs. Only from 10? Yes indeed, because when I start, I don't want a momentum breaker. 
7. I sleep around 12 - 1230am.

My typical weekends:

1. Our weekend starts Thursday nights with a household prayer gathering with my Couples for Christ group - a great way to launch the weekend in fact.
2. Fridays (daytime) are exclusive for my family and household.  We either stay at home or go somewhere. At home, we switch looking out for the baby and doing the house chores.
3. At times, lately, I get to play basketball in the morning with my CFC brothers - to keep up and try to stay fit.
4. Then I start doing my other stuffs at night until Saturday.

Notice how I address it: My family and my OTHER STUFFS.

It's not easy at the beginning to keep up with my kind of day. But since I got the pace, it's rhythmic. Lovely! Having too much of things on my plate is a good problem I'd always take. As my friend, Emsie says, it's a blessing to be busy. I love life!

We don't respect security guards... and that's the problem

Problem with the society today is we don't respect authorities anymore - police officers, traffic enforcers  and even the security guards.

The job of security guards can be said as "thankless" yet their responsibilities are serious, and they are among the underpaid ones.  They are often taken for granted until only something significant happens. Especially in the Philippines, security guards at the malls and at the metro rail stations are known mainly for searching our bags for some 'unidentified' objects.  But we are forgetting, in times of emergencies, they are one of the firsts to respond. Guards also have the power to arrest suspects, detain them until police comes.

But they get no respect.

One of my favorite Filipino authors of recent, Alex Lacson, said in his book 12 Little Things Every Filipino Can Do to Help Our Country, "Respect your traffic officer, policeman, soldier and other public servants."

Respect is a mark of most profound education. Respect is intellectual. Respect is more than just being kind to the person. Respect gives a positive feeling of regard.  It empowers and makes the recipient proud. It gives honor to them and to the work they do.

If you are educated, you don't just berate security officers, regardless of who started the fire.

One Guarded Moment

While I meant respect, I'm also aware that some of them commits mistake and at times doing their jobs wrong - just like any of us as well.

Back in high school, I was accused of shoplifting by a security guard - and he humiliated me publicly at the center of SM Southmall.

I went to National Bookstore to look for a song book. I was carrying my guitar. I tried to leave it at the baggage deposit counter but the attendant asked me to just take it with me inside the store because it's too bulky for the baggage racks.

I spent some time looking for the right song book but I found none. I decided to leave National Bookstore and look somewhere else. As I walked past about 2 minutes, a security guard of National Bookstore approached me, asking me where I hid and kept the songbook I "stole" from the store.

What a freak! And he's speaking in a high voice. He grab my guitar, sneak into the hole and shook it because he suspected that I put the songbook inside. People are looking at us. Imagine the humiliation? The mall security guard inspecting your guitar and your pockets in the middle of the crowd...

Foul! I said why the hell he suspected me, and he religiously followed me until I reach Storyland. Apparently, he was keenly watching me from the time I entered National Bookstore til I left. Of all people, suspecting me? National B.S.

He asked me to go back to National Bookstore to discuss his accusation further with the management. He kept on shaking my guitar and my waist for a suspected stolen songbook. Before we reach, he was convinced that no songbook was stolen. He just left and let me go.

I was upset. I did no Amalayer. I was just an innocent 15 that time.

I told my parents about it (who's also at the mall). We checked on the guard at National Bookstore and call the management. My dad confronted them civilly, saying what the guard did was totally wrong and unacceptable at all. All the management and the guard said... Amasorry.

This and other minor incidents with security guards contribute to how I regard them.  But just like us, they also commit mistakes. But that doesn't mean we have to be rude at them too. What's the point? As what writer Eric Hoffer said, "rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

And I say, no rude man lessen stupidity, no matter how wrong or right he is.

Celebrating a Memorable Blooper: When Stupidity Becomes Romantic

One stupid blooper has lead into an ideal, fun-filled, romantic relationship... I was shopping for a perfect engagement ring at Dubai Gold Souk and I decided to consult a friend about it.  After buying, I wanted to thank my friend, when accidentally I wrongfully sent the "thank you for your advice on a good engagement ring" to my fiance. I had really no idea I did. I was just thinking of her all throughout.

We met that night. She asked me where I've been, and why I'm not answering her calls. Alibi, I said I went to meet a client. Next thing, with a big grin on her face, she showed me the SMS I wrongfully sent. To my grandest shock, I almost fainted and fell down! My goodness! I wanted to cry! I just ruined the biggest surprise I was planning for.  I spoiled my wedding proposal!

It had been one of the funniest proposal I bet. On that Valentines Night Dhow Cruise Dinner, she kept on teasing me to show her the "surprise" ring right on. It has been comical. The surprise element was gone. I didn't show the ring until we're about to go. I was laughing when I asked her if she's willing to marry me even if I stupidly didn't give her a surprising engagement proposal. And then, there's calm. Wow, she's quiet. She looked at me, and she laughed hard! I am stupid I know - but she appreciated the thoughtfulness. AND SHE SAID YES of course! That's a perfect celebration into a plan that (almost) went wrong. She's the very kind of girl for me, and so I am for her.

But On that morning of Valentines, I went to the nearest flower shop, got the prettiest bouquet and I asked for as much of those fallen petals on the shop. I sneaked in my fiance's room while I know she's away, scattered all the petals I collected on the floor; placed the bouquet of flowers on her bed and left a small thought, "You redefined my life. Nothing more I could ask for. I love you." I turned off the light and hide.

All she knew my surprise was spoiled, but when she entered the room, she cried and hugged me and she was moved. She told me, "You're so sweet, now you got me by surprise!" I guess I made up from the wrong-sent SMS yeah!

Ever since that day, our life has been filled with humor. It's been fun. We always cheer up each other. And we're doing it consistently. We're on our 4th year now. My wife is pregnant for our first-born...

How to Begin the Week on a Positive Note?

A report says "Most of us find the start of the week so demoralising that we can't even bear to crack a smile until 11.16am."

11:16am? Whether you love your job or not, this first weekday struggle happens to most of us. Weekend feels absolutely too short. We can't just let go of being in a relaxed mode with our family, or friends.  It's really normal to feel sad and lazy to go back to work routine.

But, would you rather keep this trend than start the week right and and set a good mood for the entire work week?

Let me share how I combat that feeling. Here's my another tips. Easier said than done, I know. It's really challenging, but hey, it's just a matter of mindset. Talk and listen to yourself.  Try these, nothing to lose anyway:

1. Enjoy the whole of weekend. Do not make it a habit to feel bad when Sunday (Saturday here in UAE) evening sets in, thinking it's gonna be work week again the next day.  The more you think about it, the worse it becomes.  Maximize the remaining hours of the weekend with your loved ones.
2. Give yourself ample time in the morning. Set your alarm about 1 hour (and snooze) before you actually want to wake up. Give yourself an hour or more allowance before you leave. Start early.  Have a hearty breakfast.  Don't cram. Don't stress, you're not in the office yet.
3. Listen to Music Instead of News. I know some of us would rather listen to news on the radio, waiting for traffic advisories.You would probably know that traffic is always jammed on mornings so why still care? Listen to feel good music instead - or upbeat ones if you prefer. It will help set the tone of your mind going to work.
4. Invite positive energy. Eliminate the sighs that it's workweek again. While driving, or at least upon getting off your car, before you enter that building, look up and tell yourself, "it will be a good day, a productive week." Smile!
5. Greet. Greet everyone a good morning. Ask them about their weekend. 
6. Bonding. Break the ice. Invite a colleague or 2 for a coffee. You will get back quickly to your 'office mood' after the sip.
7. Plan your week. Making a realistic week plan. This is the best time to take control of the things you need to work on to, and not the other way around.

There are surely more ways to reverse the "first weekday blues".  Those 5 had been so effective for me, though it took me ages to really get them working. I simply wouldn't want the first day to ruin the rest of the week and swallow me... At least Monday (Sunday here in UAE) happens only once a week. 

Have a great week ahead everyone!